I have so many reasons right now to doubt. Mostly I’m inclined to doubt myself. I have times when I want to doubt those close to me; whether they give me cause or not. I guess I border on being paranoid at times. I’m not courageous enough to doubt God I suppose. So mostly I heap the doubt on myself. It is not a good place to be, but it honest.
Like most I guess I say that I trust in God but if I’m examined real close my actions don’t say I trust God very well. When things go as I plan God and I are really tight. Right now things are not going really well and I find myself doubting my decisions so much. The decision that is most doubted by me right now is a decision for Bulverde United Methodist church to begin a new congregation. Now I didn’t make this decision alone, but it was my vision that others have trusted. This decision now impacts the lives of the young pastor selected to lead the new church and his family. It affects the other members of the launch team and their families. 100′s of people have made related decisions based on my connection with God on this matter. I’ve been doubting my connection with God so much lately.
The evidence for my doubt comes from the incredible amount of stress and anxiety that surrounds me in every direction. The stress has permeated the mother church to the point that financial matters dominate the environment of this wonderful congregation. It has penetrated my home and my relationship with my wife, who is also a staff member of the mother church. Her job is now at risk. I sense the strain on the young new church pastor and staff. My staff has shown uncharacteristic tension in the last days, and key leaders of the church are feeling attacked. All of this weakens my determination.
But here is the twist to my story. I got a message from my God connection a few minutes ago. Here it is, “it’s not my determination that matters, it’s God’s!”. God gave me a message for all involved in this new church start, “God has determined to have Hope Arise through this new community of faith” God is determined to advance God’s kingdom and this new church advances God’s kingdom – period…….
Whether I doubt or not, God has determined this will happen. God did it years ago when God established The Great Commission and The Great Commandment! So the only question I or anyone else needs to ask about the start of Hope Arise is: does it follow the commandment and commission of God? The answer is absolutely YES. So bring me the doubt! Heap on the stress if you must! Divide my house if you think you can! But it will not stop the Kingdom of God from advancing, because God is determined to make it happen! Bring it on Satan because God stands by me.